Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Unhinged
by defendglobe
Summary: In which Grovyle and the hero demonstrate poor judgment, Dusknoir hates Grovyle, Virizion hates everybody, and Gengar's mouth causes a natural disaster of epic proportions. (A collection of short, ridiculous PMD silliness that is the result of me not getting enough sleep. Featuring characters from all three PMD games).
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1: Breaking The Fourth Wall**_ _  
_  
"people on the internet ship us," the hero muses.

"GOOD" the partner says with a sinister smile as they continue squeezing toothpaste into their eyes.

in the distance, chatot's voice can be heard screaming "WHAT IS THE INTERNET!"

 _ **Chapter 2: Gengar Causes The Apocalypse**_

"lmao gengar why ur mouth so big?" medicham asks.

"because FUCK YOU" says gengar as his mouth unhinges and swallows pokemon square in its entirety.

arbok forgot his name.

 ** _Chapter 3: Misanthropy_** ** _and Basketball_**

virizion is angst.

"you know who i hate," virizion says. "fucking everyone.".

"not ALL men" whines umbreon as he vomits up his spleen.

somewhere, locked away in the glacier palace, keldeo impales himself with an icicle. he was trying to shoot some fuckign hoops.

this is why basketball should be illegal.

 ** _Chapter 4: Dusknoir Takes A Critical Hit To The Self Esteem_**

grovyle walks up to dusknoir.

"you're so fucking tall that when you fart it causes a tornado" he says rudely.

dusknoir sheds a single tear. he hates grovyle.

 ** _Chapter 5: Emolga's Secret Weapon_**

hydreigon sneezes in dunsparce's face.

dunsparce now has the plague.

emolga goes on a killing spree. he pulls a gun out of his ear. oh dear. how unnatural. no wonder his ears are so big. that's where he keeps his weapons.

 ** _Chapter 6: Sunflora's Identity Crisis_**

"plants are useless," sunflora declares. "chlorophyll is for chumps."

sunflora becomes the void.

 ** _Chapter 7: Memes  
_**  
imagine grovyle walking in on dusknoir laughing at a meme.

"that's the shittiest meme i've ever seen," grovyle says. dusknoir is offended. his life has no meaning now.

celebi turns into a hawk and pecks primal dialga's eyes out.

dusknoir dies.

 ** _Chapter 8: Eggs_**

"have you ever laid an egg?" emolga asks offensively.

"get the fuck out of my house" says swanna, smacking him out the door with her powerful wings.

 ** _Chapter 9: Sex Ed_**

"what is a nipple" asks wigglytuff.

"oh my god" says chatot as he slowly backs out of the guild.

bye bye bird dad.

 ** _Chapter 10: Bees_**

"have you ever made out with a beehive" questions hydreigon.

"what kind of question is that, hmmmm?" quagsire replies. the bees are surrounding him. honey is everywhere. oh god, it's everywhere.

hydreigon is scared.

 ** _Chapter 11: Don't Do Drugs_**

"haha hey grovyle" the hero giggles while smoking a joint. "you know what would be fuckin radical? if we like. went back in time. that'd be so awesome, bro"

"sounds like a riot. let's fuckign do it for the vine" shouts an equally stoned grovyle, who should not be smoking ANYTHING because he's a fuckign GRASS TYPE.

 ** _Chapter 12: No Feet_**

"i can't tie my shoes!" screams chimecho, shattering five windows with just the sound of her voice.

"you DON'T fucking have FEET!" loudred shouts back.

oops.

 ** _Chapter 13: Gardevoir's Vegetable PSA  
_**  
"lmao hey guess what" gardevoir says to the hero. "pickles are just cucumbers gone badly wrong"

and with that she snaps her fingers and swaggers away.

the hero is so confused.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 14: Run_**

"He's coming! He's coming! He's almost here! Run for the hills!" Chatot screams so loud his eyes bug out of his fucking bird skull.

"Who's coming?" Bidoof asks. Chatot's eyes finally burst from their sockets, rocketing across treasure town and plunging into the water.

"Komaeda." Chatot whispers dramatically.

 ** _Chapter 15: Ice Ice Baby_**

"MUNNA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" Kyurem screams in horror.

"Depression." Munna announces, looking Kyurem dead in the eyes.

She then continues having kinky bdsm sex with the Bittercold.

 _ **Chapter 16. The THIRST (™)**_

"I'm a thirsty boy." Dugtrio says to himself as he slurps up the entire ocean through a drinking straw.

Not even the screams of a thousand dying water type pokemon can stop him now. He is too powerful.

 _ **Chapter 17: Dusknoir's Voyage of Self Discovery**_

Dusknoir is feeling very devious. His wild side is tingling. He opens his disgusting stomach mouth as wide as it will go and then shoves his head inside, vanishing within himself.

He will never be seen again.

 ** _Chapter 18: The Ultimate Betrayal_**

"Everyone i've ever loved has turned out to be a goddamn fucking furry" Virizion sobs. "Is there no one who won't betray me?"

"I've got some bad news for you." says Emolga, brandishing a large collection of furry porn.

 ** _Chapter 19: Irritable Bowel Syndrome_**

It was a lovely spring day in treasure town. The Krabby were blowing bubbles, the sun was setting against the ocean, and Bidoof was farting violently and uncontrollably.

It was no longer a lovely spring day.

 _ **Chapter 20. Final Boss**_

"TALK SHIT, GET HIT!" the partner cries before kangaroo kicking Dark Matter with all of their strength.

"EAT SHIT, GET FIT!" the hero adds, karate chopping the absolute fuck out of the orb.

 _ **Chapter 21: Shakira, Shakira**_

Nuzleaf buys a pair of jorts. As soon as they are on his body, a mysterious force takes over him.

"I might be a lyin' traitor, but my hips sure ain't!" he yells as he shakes his ass in the air.

Carracosta drowns himself in the lake.

 _ **Chapter 22: Hydreigon Becomes A Lawnmower**_

Espeon notices something strange in a nearby field and decides to investigate.

When she gets closer, Hydreigon can be seen using his heads to eat grass at the speed of light while screaming at the top of his lungs.

"What the FUCK." Espeon says softly, but with feeling.

 _ **Chapter 23: Chatot Commits Murder**_

"TAXES" screams Barack Obama, who is wearing only a speedo.

"DEATH!" screams Chatot as he stabs Obama in the neck with his tail.

Bye bye Mr. President.

 ** _Chapter 24: The Truth Comes Out, and BOY IS IT PATHETIC_**

Nobody knows the true story of why Keldeo was in Glacier Palace.

Instead of being captured by Munna, his tongue got stuck after he tried to lick an icicle and he had to stay there until the ice melted.

Munna laughed at him and called him a weenie.

 ** _Chapter 25: Wigglytuff's Weird Habits_**

Chatot hates his job. Every fucking day, after all the explorers have gone to sleep, the Guildmaster insists on bathing in gasoline.

He also insists on Chatot helping him by pouring gasoline all over his head and yodeling.

Chatot spends his free time bashing his own head into the wall.

 _ **Chapter 26: Pooping Problems**_

The hero realizes something and sinks to the ground in unspeakable horror.

"Holy mother fuck, I haven't taken a shit since I became a pokemon! Do pokemon even have the ability to shit?" they yell. The partner looks at them grimly and pulls out a shotgun.

"There are some things that you must never question" they say, pointing the gun at the hero.

"This is dumb as hell." The hero complains.


End file.
